Weight of the World

I think it is completely unfair that men's and women's clothing is sized so differently. I can buy a pair of jeans from any store in any style for my husband and 9 times out of 10 they will fit him. I can try on 10 different pairs of jeans in one store and maybe 1 will fit. Badly.

I have put on some weight since the last time I bought jeans and lately they have been fitting me a bit snug. Ironically, the cake weight that is overflowing from the top of my jeans is referred to by the young ones as a "muffin top". And so began the odyssey for new pants.

I returned to the same store that I bought my now too tight jeans from in hopes of finding the same ones in a larger size. This was not to be. Aisles and aisles of denim everywhere and all had a different name, typically with the word "Super" in it. "Super Skinny", "Super Flared", "Super Slouchy". I was getting "Super Annoyed".

I grabbed a variety of jeans ,all in the next size up, and headed off to the fitting rooms feeling quite sure that I was about to look fabulous. Instead, not one pair would stay up. I'd pull them on, zip 'em, button 'em, and then they would drop to my ankles. I double checked my sizing several times to make sure that I had not misread any labels and then returned to the sales floor with renewed determination. I was a shark in cloudy waters that knew there was a fat tourist or two closeby.

I was soon back in my fitting room with a new armful of jeans that were the same size as the ones that I came in wearing. Every single pair was too big. They all stayed up, but they were all "Super Slouchy" in a very bad way. What was I doing wrong? This was the same store that I had shopped at before. The jeans should have fit. How dare this store say that I am supposed to wear a size smaller!!

What I really wanted was to be able to ask my jeans what the problem was. Did I launder them too much? Did I eat too many tacos? Are they just messing with me? Did they start dating a seamstress behind my back? Did they join a gym?

What I finally figured out was that my original jeans were a slim fit, and in that style I wear the size I thought I did. In all others I wear a size smaller. After the Great Purge in the spring of '09, my body shape was completely different. Breaking the mold and shopping different has been a challenge. Apparently it did not matter that almost a year had gone by or that I had already bought 6 pairs of pants that carried the description of "Skinny Fit". My natural tendency is to avoid anything that is "skinny" because it's not for me. But I have joined the ranks of the hipless, and I must accept the slander.

A few days later I went to a different store and found some skinny jeans in my size that fit perfectly. A month has past since then and my weight has been stable. The jeans however, constantly fall off my nonexistent hips.