Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This

It's one of those nights. It's been one of those days. Wake up rested, but I'm still tired. Rest on the couch, but I'm still tired. I rally, get dressed & go out for lunch. Short trip to Big Lots, and then an unfortunate trip to the grocery store. It's been one of those weeks. Every day I have been tired, and every day I have gone to the grocery store.

Today when I was checking out, a helpful lady stopped to tell me a remedy for the blisters on my legs. My medicine causes red splotches that will come and go. Most days, like today, it was on my legs. My legs were showing because I was wearing a new short sundress that my husband bought for me. I was adorable, and I was flashing my splotchy legs. Showing off splotches or the tubing on my chest is a daily fashion decision. Do I feel confident enough to not care and show off anything? Today the answer was "barely". But I really wanted to wear that dress.

Came home from that tired. Rested, ate, rested. Gardened. I'm digging out an extension to my flowerbed, just a couple of feet. I had to rest after every shovel full of dirt. I called the project done for the evening after I moved the bricks to their new boundaries. Turns out that an ant colony had made it's home under those bricks. Poor guys.

Came inside to rest. Now I really need to start cooking dinner. Karl will be home in less than an hour, and everything is waiting for me in the refrigerator. But right now I am tired. And I don't know how I am going to get the energy to get up off the couch. I've been trying to pay attention to my energy level the last couple of days to see if it is time to increase my Flolan dose. Obviously, the answer is yes. But even if I increase right now, I won't feel it till morning. And that is not going to help with dinner. I would forget about it, but Karl has been at work since 9 this morning, and I really want to do this one thing for him. And for me.

I tried calling family for moral support, but quickly realized that what I need is to rally. Again. And to increase my Flolan. When I increase the dose, I'm going to have a few days of random back pain that will steal my energy during the day and wake me up at night. I will also get the shooting jaw pain for the first bite every time I eat something. Right now it all seems so exhausting. Okay, I can do this. On the count of three. One. Two. . . . .Three.