Huggy Monster

Written 07.01.10

I love hugs. I have always been big on hugs. This is a trait that is cute when you're a kid but a slightly risque practice when you are in high school. I tend to give more hugs when I am feeling over exuberant. Like on a first day of school. I know I dazed at least one guy goofy after one of my hugs. If you are around me when I am overjoyed, my apologies for the 4 hugs that I probably bestowed on you as you were trying to go home. Just try and go with it. I will eventually stop.

I got the most compliments on my hugs when I weighed over 150 lbs. Squishy hugs are a comforting thing, and some extra weight definitely makes this hug possible. The last compliment that I remember receiving on a hug was actually a shameful moment for. I was in 2 glasses of wine on Christmas Night surrounded by family. I've always been embarrassed by compliments and was immediately flustered by this one, a very simple “Oh, you give the best hugs!”. I said something about how that was because I had a husband to practice on. The woman who gave the compliment had been divorced and was still single. Probably (hopefully) a long forgotten slight, but my respect for her is so great that even now the memory of it makes me wince.

Over time I became more hesitant of hugging complete strangers. I found that it was usually safer to wait for the other person to make the first move. This slight adjustment immediately cut down on the amount of married men that hit on me. Given permission once and you'll always get a hug (unless you are a married man hitting on me). After that is when the hugging madness takes hold.

I am often surprised by the people who want hugs. At one doctor's visit, a visiting physician who had given me some grim consults had come in to check my status. I was doing tremendously better from the last time I saw him and everyone in the office was relieved and hugs were being generously handed out. When he left he seemed to want his hug. Since he had been such a bearer of bad news, I just couldn't do it. His attitude the whole time he treated me was dismal. Whenever he came around I was pretty much counting the seconds until he left. But what gets me now is that I regret not hugging Doctor Doom. Would it have been so hard to give the guy a hug? I don't know how much he may have worried about me or how relieved he might have been that I was better. Maybe he was trying to become a hugger. So frustrating when I do that to myself. I really could use a delete key for some of my memories. I'll keep the truly painful memories if I can just have the option to drop the small jabbing ones. Maybe I need a hug.

My favorite all-time kind of hug are the heart hugs. I'm not sure that arm placement completely matters, but hands on your back over the place where your is, that's the crucial part. What's even better is when this particular hug is given to you by someone that you love. Just recently I received a heart hug from persons that I did not yet know that I was going to love.

This past weekend I was in a fashion show at a PH conference. The last one I had attended seemed a bit shy on adults, which is truly amazing because it was held in Texas. I thought we would have represented a little better on stage. I sent an email to the woman who was organizing this year's event, just a casual noncommittal kind of note. “If you need another adult I might be available, if you don't, no worries.” The response back was immediate. I was most definitely wanted. So started my worrying.

I had no idea what I would wear. This year's Old Navy fashions are comfortable, but I wouldn't strut them down a runway. “Honey is wearing a blue Henley tee shirt with frayed seams, rolled cuff faded denim shorts and gold flip flops. Her hair is held in place with a matching blue rubber band.”

As it turned out, all I needed to bring was me and a nice pair of black shoes. The black shoes I was wanting anyways, and the world presented me with the perfect pair. Everything was going smoothly. The first full day at the conference I met Rynna, the woman who let me know I was wanted, and her sister, Sherri, for a dress fitting.

I have said this once already, but it needs to be said again. Every woman should have the experience of walking into a room filled with dresses that someone has picked out with you in mind. Of course the experience could only be complete if Rynna and Sherri were there, so you must also travel to California. This trip is another must if you are a Texan trying to survive the second month of summer. I tried on 5 dresses, 4 of which look wonderful on me, 3 of which I was to wear in the show. Scarves, hats and purses were brought out to coordinate and hide anything medical hanging off of me.

I looked completely different to myself trying on those dresses. From my little fitting room I could half hear my shape being discussed. That's something else that every woman should get to experience. 2 women describing you in the most kind and positive way possible. Personally, I feel I look like a Gustav Klimt painting. Not the one of the pretty red head, but the brutally honest looking one of the woman in her 40's or 50's. I have to admit, looking at one of those almost harsh paintings, there is beauty in even that.

These two sisters are some of the loveliest women I have ever met. Maybe it's that we share a common Texas background, but something about them, I fell in love instantly. And then came the hug.

My fitting was done, I got to show off to Karl a little bit, and it was time to start the PH sessions. Both women embraced me with a smile and gave me the best heart hug. It was the kind that you receive from the ones that you love. You just feel it deep in your heart.

I went to Anaheim to connect with other PH people, to learn and to find new hope for the future. All of those things did happen, but I also found part of my family that I did not know was missing. Part of my heart is with them now. I hope they feel special when I forget to send them a Christmas card. Just like with the rest of my family.

Heart hugs to you all.