Travelling in the Debit Column

Written on 06.24.10

Trouble was looking for a woman in yoga pants and a butterfly tee shirt and it sure found her. I think Trouble knew that I had no plans for yoga and decided to teach me a lesson in flexibility. Actually, it was really targeting my wallet.

The trouble, like all trouble in my life, began with fogginess and forgetfulness. The first thing I forgot to do was to eat nicely. 2 days until departure and I loaded up on lumberjack sized sandwiches. I have no idea what I was thinking – well, I do, but that's another blog – but for some reason – yes, a reason I could tell you but won't yet – I had an Italian sandwich for breakfast and half a barbecue sandwich with 2 ribs for dinner. A stronger women of 14 could of handled that, but not me. I didn't even come close. One bad sandwich decision made in sleepiness lead to another one. So then of course I had to spend the next 7 hours laid out on the couch. 7 hours that I needed to be spending packing, cleaning and making phone calls.

I woke up feeling like I had spent a night out on the town with a lumberjack. I pretty much kept moving from the time I got up until I went to bed. There would be no rest for those who ran with lumberjacks. I am a bit proud of myself that I was able to keep up.

So started Travel day. This was to be the first time we have flown using Flolan. I quickly packed the last of what needed to be packed (because that's the sane thing to do 2 hours before your plane departs) and wrote down random phone numbers and addresses for our various destinations. Karl got together the last of the medicine and loaded the car.

The second thing I forgot to do was pick up a prescription that I had filled. Thankfully, Walgreens is just about everywhere that I will agree to travel to and they have fancy computers that let me pick up things I forgot in other cities. As we drove off I realized that I did not say goodbye to Coco. Unfortunately we were feeling short on time. I also forgot to grab a nutritional book that I was wanting to read on the plane. Then again, that did give me a reason to buy a magazine, so maybe I should move that one to the "pros". 1st increased expense, Simple magazine $3.95. I also forgot to move any of the potted plants inside. I am not sure that any of them will be alive when we get back. If they are indeed all dead, then I will be replanting 8 pots with cactus or some other plant that is not as offended by the Texas sun's hospitality and the random neglect of a good intentioned person. 2nd increased expense, whatever the booze costs for a decent wake and burial.

Then came the dreaded airport parking. I had been preparing for a half mile hike in the humidity that always seems to end with a quick sprint for a departing bus. My fabulous husband decided to forgo this traditional event and parked directly across from our gate. 3rd increased expense, 2 ½ times the parking rate that I planned for. Benefit, no one had to lift heavy luggage up into a bus.

At the self-check in line I thought I was saving time by putting both bags under my name. Karl later told me that doing so cost us an additional fee. Then came the scales. Nothing good comes of weighing in when you are overstuffed. The suitcase carrying my medicine was 7 lbs overweight. This cost another very hefty fee. 4th increased expense, a total of $110 for luggage. Benefit, none known at this time.

On to security check. Again, first time flying with Flolan. I could have gotten the expert advice from another Flolan patient who is the mecca of all things cool in PH, but instead it was much easier to completely forget and just wing it. At least I had the letter with me that explained why I needed to take a bag filled with needles and vials of white powder and clear liquid onto the plane. The small bag of contraband went through the x-ray machine without a second glance. I, however, was put into the special “Veal Holding Cell” to await a woman who pat me down in a way that should only be done after at least one of us had some cocktails. And now she won't return my calls.

We had a little time before departure, so we hunted down breakfast. You know you're in trouble when the healthiest thing in front of you is a McDonalds. I really wish I had made a meal for us before we left. 5th increased expense, $5.65 for the meal plus $15 for antacid. Benefit, we won't be ordering $4 bags of chips on the plane. Tummies now filled with fattened cement, a pack of gum in my pocket, a funny book for Karl, a magazine for me (yeah!) and we were ready to fly.

I love flying. I had gone through a phase where it truly scared me, but I got over it. All I have to do now was think about how my everyday life is pretty laid back, and today I get to ride on a roller coaster. Instant thrill to fly ensues. The plane takes off and I happily laugh.

All was well until about 25, 000 feet. That's when I lost my hearing (gum was both too sweet and worthless) and it felt like there was a lumberjack curled up asleep on my chest. I slowed down my breathing while Karl rubbed my back. I think I may have to request oxygen next time. I was feeling pretty roughed up until the drink cart came around. Iced cranberry juice always improves my disposition, even when it comes with 50 grams of sugar to a 12 oz can. Once I was breathing easier I went back to enjoying the flight. Then we landed and I got stupid again.

It seemed important at the time to immediately get signed onto the internet so we could look up our driving directions. Of course I also had to inspect their ladies room and then a passerby chatted with us for a moment. All of this time our bags were waiting for us. Yep, we abandoned the extremely costly and very inconvenient to replace suitcase filled with life sustaining medicines. The kids were left at school and apparently no one was coming to get them. By the time we got to the baggage claim our children had left and the school had turned off it's lights. Our extreme panic ended 15 minutes later when Karl found them stowed behind a check-in counter. The bags had possibly decided that it was just best to try and make it home on their own. Silly thing to do since we have the house keys.

Because I had forgotten to print off directions to anywhere, my husband got a gps for our rental car. 6th increased expense, $66 + tax. Benefit, I didn't have to get carsick reading a map. The drive to our friend's house was both lovely and unnerving. Lovely because everything was blooming so profusely. Purple lillies of the nile and jacaranda blooming everywhere you looked. California was definitely welcoming the PH conference. I was completely unnerved because a large part of the sky is the same color as the road and the air tastes dirty. I don't know how you could look at that sky and not want to immediately start living a “greener” lifestyle.

It wasn't until we were about 2 minutes from our destination that I realized we were not expected. Our travel plans changed so many times, and I never did inform anyone of our arrival. So we found a nice place to have lunch. I was really enjoying my pumpkin soup until the waitress told us that all of the recipes had been the cook's mother's. Suddenly it made more sense why it was so delicious, great quantities of cream and butter. 7th increased expense, the size of my cheeks. Benefit, culinary inspiration. I've got to try making my own pumpkin soup with cumin.

Next stop, the hotel. I thought checking in a day early would be a breeze, but my using a website to pay for the room and then not writing the itinerary # down made for several long conversations that almost drove me to drink. Everything was settled by the the time we got to Disney. 8th increased expense, overpriced hotel room. Benefit, none known yet.

We asked around for a healthy place to dine, but none was to be found in the land of Disney. Just lots of family chains. The hotel concierge suggested we try ordering a salad from Coco's. The pharmacist at Walgreens suggested a place that had "Tango" in the name. We decided on the one that referenced exercise. Oh what they did to that poor mojito. And the fajitas! They never had a chance under the heat lamp. The tragedy of it all! Out of desperation I tried a fish taco at a place proclaiming to have the best. I don't know, maybe the best fish taco that you can make with rancid oil. Any meal that was that awful definitely goes into the expense column. 9th increased expense, 2 really bad dinners. Benefit, I doubt I will eat at a chain restaurant again.

The time has come to go to sleep. Tomorrow starts the conference. I'm really happy that Karl is here with me. I hope he enjoys the experience, too. Expense of going to California, only American Express knows now. Benefit, I'm really excited to find out.