Grumpy Hindsight

I have to go to bed and I forgot to take all of my pills so now my heart is beating faster than I like and that makes it harder to fall asleep and that half a sleeping pill won't help now because I just remembered that I have forgotten to take the potassium pill for a couple of days now so I will be waking up several times tonight because of foot cramps and my body might not have gotten low on potassium if I hadn't forgotten my water pills the day before and woke up feeling like a whale and if my scale hadn't said I was Miss Piggy weight then I wouldn't have taken the extra water pills this morning and why did I have breakfast out, it always makes me feel icky in the morning and then I don't want lunch and I eat dinner too late and then I don't want a snack before I go to bed and I wake up at 2 a.m. hungry and the only thing in my fridge that isn't sweet that doesn't require cooking is a cheese and pickle sandwich and it's hard to fall back to sleep with foot cramps and your mouth tastes like pickles and then you weigh in at Orca weight in the morning but your not quite sure if it was the cheese and pickle sandwich or the lack of water pills and so you take more water pills but because of that you don't want to have to take the potassium on top of all of that because you're sick and tired of pills so then you get the foot cramps at night and why are the only pants I own jeans, why don't I have one nice pair of pants in the closet so when I need them I don't have to do marathon shopping when I am Miss Piggy weight and I have to stop hiding my jewelry because I always forget where it is and then I panic trying to find it, I mean seriously, the first nonliving thing that I would grab if there is a fire would be that jewelry and I can't find it anywhere which means if there ever is I fire then I will die while digging through the linen closet in the closet and now I really need to be asleep but I can't find my book anywhere and I left it on the ground on my side of the bed like I always do which means Jane is sleeping on it but I don't want to move because I just got my tubing all how I like it and Coco is resting peacefully next to me and if I bend over now then I'll get a head rush and probably get tangled in my tubing and I have no idea what I am going to wear to lunch tomorrow because I only have jeans and a short black dress that is a half size too small now that I am Miss Piggy weight and Karl will look prettier than me when we go out and all of the dresses that I tried on today showed the blasted tubing coming out of my chest which I would feel better about if Karl would let me put a butterfly sticker on it and Jane needs to be taken in for a bath in the morning which I bet I sleep through because I was up all night eating and rubbing out foot cramps and I don't have any mascara and I'll be the only woman at lunch without any mascara on and then they'll know that I actually spend all day in pjs and not in some fabulous outfit that I will find after I drop Jane off at her appointment and of all of the three loads of laundry that I had to do why did I choose the one that does not have a thing in it that I will wear tomorrow, just boxers, jeans and pjs....Ugh! Okay, I am thankful for the special medicine that I get to have and that it works. I am grateful that there is not one person that I know who will be spending the night in a hospital tonight. I'm thankful that this house has a dishwasher. I'm thankful that my husband does not mind if I poke him when he starts snoring too loud. I am grateful for the existence of peace, healing, laughter, tears, courage, dancing, singing, smiling, creating, love. I am grateful for cool breezes on a blue sky day. I am grateful for and amazed by the wonderful people that surround me in this life and by the natural beauty of the world that surrounds us all. I am thankful that I am peaceful now and ready to drift off to sleep andthat Coco is resting nicely on my legs.

I have to go to the bathroom. And I'm hungry.